Next time. Next time, I will probably do things different. At least, I hope I would. But at the same time, every single thing that's happened to me, has shaped me. They have made me what I am today. Which, admittedly, isn't much, but it's still me.
I don't know what I would be, given the chance to change things. And because I don't know, I don't know that I would change events. Granted, some of these things are pretty terrible and should never happen to a person, but what if things were worse without these life-shaping terrible things?
You always hear scenarios like, What if Hitler had never been born? or, What if Kennedy hadn't been assassinated? (Stephen King's 11/22/63 has a great view of this) We have NO IDEA what the world would be like w/o the terrible things that has shaped it. The world has learned from these events, what not to do. Well, most of the world learned.
It bears thinking about. It's the same in individual lives.
Had my mother taken me with her when I was 3, I might not have lived this long. Or, I might have been horribly damaged, mentally and physically. I love my mother and I love the flickering memories of her, but she wasn't the most stable of people and her life was not ideal in the 30odd years after she left us. Drug abuse, mental abuse, physical abuse... Who the hell knows what my life would have been had she taken me with her.
Mind you, terrible things happened to me w/o her, but they shaped me. As terrible as the things were, I still had family who took care of me and I overcame things. Those terrible things, made me a better parent. Made me a strong woman.
Next time.
I wouldn't wish my early childhood on anyone, but if I had a magic looking glass that could show me the many paths based on the two choices my mother had, I wonder which I'd chose.
Next time.
The great thing is, we don't remember Last Time, to help shape Next Time, so it's almost moot!
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