I just got a phone call from my dad, giving me an update on my gramma.
We've known for a few years now that she struggles with completing sentences. It started off as an elusive word here and there in her story. Not to mention telling the same stories over and over and over again, but, that's kind of what happens when you get into your 70s+ and you don't see someone every day. You have stories to tell!
Now, however, Gramma can't complete any sentences, mostly. And you can see the utter frustration in her eyes. Unfortunately, that frustration now often turns to anger. And then to downright pissed off, don't you dare talk to me, just leave! Gramma is a sweet southern lady from Missouri, and when she's mad at you, she turns away. Instead of yelling or telling you off, she turns away from you. A pretty obvious dismissal, and in the nicest way possible!
I think she's been officially diagnosed with dementia. She has been living in an independent living facility, which is basically just a low-income apartment, where you can call for help if you need it with one of those call cords. Great idea, if you're prone to asking for help. Not Gramma! No sir! She prefers to suffer in silence! As evidenced by a fall she took about a month ago. She didn't have her cell phone on her, which I personally fitted with a ribbon to go around her neck, like a lanyard. But does she keep it on her?? NOPE.
When she fell, she couldn't get to any of the call cords, of course, because she'd piled so much of her possessions IN FRONT OF THE CORDS.
Are you shaking your head yet? Yeah, me too.
So, no one found Gramma on the floor in her apartment for TWELVE hours. And that was only because my dad was supposed to take her to a Dr. appt. that morning. When he couldn't get an answer on her phone, he raced down the canyon. That was a few nights stay in the local hospital. At that point, we found she couldn't remain in independent living.
Just a few days ago, Dad got word that she wasn't eligible for assisted living, either, which was the next step. Her dimensia is too pronounced, with her agitation and all, because even tho it's assisted living, it's not round the clock care. So, unfortunately for Gramma, she's stuck in a nursing home. And what's really going to get up her duff... she has to share a room with someone.
Bless her heart, she still assumes she's going to get better any day now. She thinks she's going to drive her Cadillac again. She thinks she's going to go back to college and complete her art degree. (she hasn't been back to school in almost 10 years) She talks about her painting and sculpting again. Last time I visited with her, she even talked about helping me landscape my new house(once we get one). I say 'talked about', but what I really mean is, she often says, "once I'm better, I can...." and that's where it stops, but since it's in response to whatever the subject is, I know what she's wanting to say. I've been hearing "once I'm better" for 6+ years now.
I love my Gramma. She raised me for 4 or 5 years when my mother left me. I started school when I lived with her. Because of her, lots of elderly people in her little town STILL remember me as "Little Katie".
It breaks my heart to see her like this, lost in her own brain. It breaks my dad's heart even more. And it breaks my heart to see my dad have to go thru this. Even tho he's the younger brother, he's stuck doing EVERYTHING when it comes to his mom. His brother does NOTHING. And he & his wife, live in the same town as Gramma! None of the rest of us live closer than 30 min away.
Don't you wish you could pick your family? Ask my cousin some day about his bio-dad. Whoooee, the rants we have together!
So, if you're still young enough that you haven't faced death of family, or faced the impending end of a loved one, take all this to heart. It's no picnic, and you'll hate having to deal with it, but if you're any kind of decent human being, you'll step up and just make do. You kind of have to.
This is Gramma and I at my backyard wedding, 1/1/11
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